Soul searching in process

Well then, today was a less than desirable day. I am exhausted. Lots of tears, and lots and lots of reflecting. I guess to start off, It was my last day with Mara. It was really hard for me. She's been a staple in my life for 2.5 years. And now it's just over. I mean, it's not like i'm never going to see her again, but our routine is over. It's time to move on, and that is incredibly incredibly hard for me to grasp. And then on another note, I started my job the other night. I guess, just to start off-it wasn't really what i was expecting it to be. (not that i really knew what to expect) I guess the title "Receptionist" is kind of stretching it. Sure, i'm answering the phones, and telling customers to sign the clipboard. But i'm mostly just walking around picking up after everyone. Their garbage and laundry. So i guess i'm a little disappointed. And disappointment breeds overwhelming discouragement in me. I mean, i know i should be sooo grateful to even have a job...So i feel bad that i'm so negative on it. But i just find myself feeling like for what i'm being paid, i could find something else that i would enjoy doing more, and maybe even get paid more. I just hate being a quitter. I know the world is not going to stop spinning if i decide it's not the job for me, and their business is not going to fail without me. I just feel stupid, I want people to be proud of me, not look at me and wonder what is wrong with me. I just feel so awful and extra down on myself because i'm dragging Josh through it all, and i'm being really dramatic and overly emotional about everything. And he really is so amazing, I absolutely could not ask for a better support system in him. He really does everything he can to make me feel at ease and just OKAY, and I love and appreciate him more than I could ever tell him. I really don't mean to be so difficult. I just get overwhelmed really easily. I just wish I could have been fully moved and settled in before i started adding a job into the mix. I think that's what's eating at me the most. I'm not even going to be able to move my own things because I have to work. And i'm stressed out about it. I know everything will be okay, I know that God is with me through it all. I just need to let go and have some self confidence for crying out loud!! I AM GOING TO BE FINE. This is an absolutely wonderful step in my life. I am making leaps and bounds. And i'm going to be with the love of my life! I just need to talk myself down sometimes, say a little prayer and just BREATHE. And it doesn't always help to have someone there when you're in "one of those moods", cause I don't know about everyone else, but when i'm crying, or feel like i'm about to cry..talking about why i'm upset is the last thing i want to do. Because It only causes the tears to flow X10. Or like when you're about to cry and someone asks you what's wrong and it's just like a trigger to start crying. Kind of funny, but extremely frustrating at the same time. Cause there's really not a thing you can do to prevent it. Bite your lip all you want, it ain't stoppin the quivering chin!! hahah. I know in no time, i'm going to look back on this and wonder why on earth I allowed such silly things to get me so worked up. But it's all part of the process! I'm just learning! This is all new to me...and it's scary! I just hope and pray that things will get easier, that God will ease my mind and take away all the doubts and fears and just allow me to be as confident as I KNOW I can be!