Jaded

It's hard for me to put into words the way I'm feeling today. I feel disheveled and unsure. I don't really know what i'm doing anymore, or what I should do. I want to pick apart my brain. So i'm just going to start rattling off every damn thought that comes into my brain. There is something genuinely disturbing about how painfully indecisive and unsure I am about nearly every decision I am faced with. I sincerely wish I was doing something with my life that I loved. And i'm just not. Sure, I can tolerate my job..I enjoy the company of the people I work with, and I have great bosses. But is this really what I see myself doing for the rest of my life??? Is this my destiny? And if it's not, what the hell am i doing?? How do I find something to do that I genuinely love.What steps do i take?? I don't want to just start going to school 100 different times to test things out. It just sucks because the whole motto around the town is "Just be thankful you have a job." I AM thankful to have a job. I'm thankful to be making money. But i'm BORED, and I wake up every morning with a general feeling of "UGHHHH"  I ache to just get home and be with Josh, cause that's really my only source of genuine happiness! And it shouldn't be that way!! Should it??? Is this just the way it's going to be? We're all just little robots that march around and do non fulfilling jobs just for the sake of money. Granted, I know I need to make money, It is an absolute necessary evil-i'm WELL aware. But is it so much to ask to feel a sense of happiness and enthusiasm, OR maybe even some form of desire to go to work? Or is that just some kind of fantasy land I have brewing in my mind. Maybe It is. I just feel really out of sorts about the whole thing. I just wish there was a clear cut answer to it all. Maybe I wouldn't be so depressed. Now absolutely don't get me wrong, I know i'm probably making it seem overly dramatic, and like i'm employed in some kind of hell hole. That's NOT IT AT ALL,I don't have any truly awful things to even say about it..but i don't feel any sense of accomplishment or worth. My life is just so blahhh. OVERLY standard, and I can't stand it. But how do I change it? What do i do, what steps do i take? I know everyone says this, but can't I just win the lottery or even just some kind of jackpot. I'm not picky. Idk, I just feel like at the rate i'm going, i'll look back on my life with a lot of regret. And not as a whole, because I have an amazing and supportive husband and family, and not everyone is blessed with that. It's just where i'm at personally. Very lacking. And I know whatever change I wanted to make, Josh would be behind me 100% every step of the way, but I just don't know where to start! Blah dee blah...I know i'm just talking to myself. I need HELP!!!!!