Change. One of the most prominent double edged swords I know of. There's just something about it. You crave it and long for it when things are sedentary; when you get stuck in the day to day routine. And as soon as you get it, or even get a glimpse of it happening, a certain fear kicks in! Why is that? I know i'm probably not the only one that feels this way.
My little life is changing at a rapid pace. There's a part of me, subconsciously, that keeps wanting to tap the brakes...just a little bit. But I'm not going to. I just keep thinking, what good will come from pushing off something that is going to be so great for me, just for the sake of staying comfortable. Nothing that is changing is negative in the least, and it's nothing for me to be afraid of. All it is, is change. Things won't be the same. And that's okay! Things can't always stay the way they are. They just can't. You have to continuously strive for more, you have to push away the fear and just keep truckin'. You don't know how absolutely perfect something could be until you give it a shot. Comfortable isn't always the way to go. I've lived in this little bubble of a town since the day I was born. And I know most of my fear comes from the unknown. THIS IS ALL I'VE EVER KNOWN! How sick is that? haha. And ya know what, I do regret it from time to time. I regret not picking up and going off to do the whole college thing on my own, even if just for the sake of saying THERE..I did it!! I just didn't do it. (much of THAT has to do with my lack of decision making skills..but that's a whole different story)And I don't think that makes me stupid, or not ambitious. And I hate more than anything being drilled by people (who don't even know ME) about why I haven't gone to college, or why i've done what i've done. I hated being silently or even openly ridiculed about when i was going to get a "real job" or why i've chosen to work for the past few years for my family? BECAUSE I LOVED IT and it made me happy! I didn't make tons of money, I didn't achieve any certifications by doing it. And i guess those are the only reason for doing things these days. I feel like I really gave myself a chance to grow up before I started making life changing decisions. And i'm getting there. For God's sake, i'm only 22 years old, it's not like it's TOO late for me. It never is. Just because "Jane Doe" knew exactly who she was and who she wanted to be since she was 18 years old, doesn't mean the rest of us did. Everyone is different, and everyone has a different path in this life. I'm SO happy with where i'm at. I know i'm smart, I have a wonderful family who supports me in everything i do. I have Josh and his amazing family who are there for me more than i could ever imagine. As far as i'm concerned, right now- I have it all! I'll figure out the rest as I go along. Change is surrounding me! And i'm ready for it-hit me with your best shot!
What a great post, Emily! So true that we all fear change once it gets close to our lives. You have so many wonderful things to look forward to in the coming months and years. When Nathan and I got married he had a hard time "leaving the nest" so to speak, as well. We were entering an unknown area of our lives, and it freaked him out a little. He had always been so close to his family and thought that was going to change once we got married. As you can see, we still see the family plenty and we love our own " new family" we have created. You have our support in whatever decisions that you make. I'm almost 32 and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up! But I'm loving being with my kids at this wonderful stage of their lives. Best wishes my dear! Love ya :)
ReplyDeleteEmily, it is not only comforting to know that I personally am not alone in the fear of change, but that it is normal and natural, and I hope that you getting it out of your system helped you as much as reading what you had to say helped me!! I enjoy your perspective, and want you to know that you have my support.
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