12 weeks! Numero Dos

How far along? I am officially 12 weeks pregnant today! Still basically all bloat, but the doc felt my uterus pretty high up so I'm sure I'll start legit popping any day now haha.
If you want to see my 12 week update with Elsie, you can find it here :) 

Maternity clothes: Haven't had to bust those bad boys out yet. Oh let's be real, they never got a chance to get put away! haha  

Stretch marks?  Somehow didn't get any, i'm hoping I am just as lucky with this one! Crossin my fingers!  

Sleep: I'm sleeping pretty well. Elsie only gets up about once a night around 4 or 5 and sometimes I have a little trouble falling back to sleep but she's a dream boat and will usually sleep in until about 9, so I'm still getting plenty of sleep which is GREAT! 

Best moment this week: We got pre approved for a mortgage, so we will be able to move before this baby comes (If all goes accordingly) and I am THRILLED about that!! I also had my first doctor's appointment today with a NEW doctor, and that went really well. She didn't make me feel the least bit "guilty" for being pregnant again so soon, which I was really worried about for some reason.

Miss anything?:  I am looking forward to not feeling like a character in The Walking Dead. Cue the zombie groans. 

Movement:  Not quite yet. I'll be very curious to see how much sooner I'll feel movement with this baby (If I do)  

Food cravings:  I haven't really had a real STRONG craving for anything. I'll crave certain things for dinner, but I haven't had any real constant cravings early on like I did with Elsie.     

Anything making you queasy or sick?  Thank goodness the nausea has started to settle down a bit. Just like with Elsie, really the only time I would/do get real nauseous is right away in the morning when I'm hungry. As soon as I get something in my stomach and get moving, i'm usually pretty good the rest of the day, unless I get a bad headache.  

Gender: We don't know yet! I have a strong feeling it's another girl just because of how similar this pregnancy has been so far! Will be very very interesting!

Labor signs: No! 

Symptoms: Nausea, Pretty debilitating fatigue (Thank GOD I have an easy going, snuggly baby) and I've started getting some headaches again which scares the death out of me especially since I have Elsie. When I had them when I was pregnant with her I could just retreat to my bed with an ice pack and call it a night. Obviously a little hard to do that with a 5 month old. I've only had 1 really bad one with vomiting and the whole 9. I'm just really hoping I can just keep them under control this time around. 

Belly button in or out? It's in...for the time being lol   

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or moody most of the time?  Pretty happy. Obviously I struggled for awhile when I first found out because I was scared (still very much am) but I am getting more and more happy about it everyday. I've been able to hear the heartbeat on my doppler and that's such an amazing little sound. (Even if I wasn't expecting to hear it again SO soon haha) 

Looking forward to:  We have an ultrasound tomorrow, so it will be nice to see the little peanut! 

Don't call it a comeback

I find myself sort of caught in a blur that is the last couple months of 2014, and trying to wrap my mind around what's to come in 2015. After sort of wracking my brain about it, I decided that Facebook didn't seem like an appropriate outlet so I figured Hey, I have this nifty little blog over here just collecting dust, so why not blog about it??

I'm going to start back in October. I had remembered back in one of my ultrasounds I had while I was pregnant with Elsie that the doctor mentioned she saw a cyst on one of my ovaries. I wasn't overly concerned, but I decided it was worth it to check up on it. I need to be informed, whether it's good or bad. I had the ultrasound and was expecting to hear that everything was fine, it was just a cyst after all. I was met with some rather unsettling news instead. She basically told me that the cyst was gone, but one of my Fallopian tubes appeared to be damaged and dilated with fluid. She told me that often times it can be caused by an infection, but in my case it seemed to have been caused by the cyst. I was then told that the condition meant a few things for my future. She told me that if we wanted the possibility of kids in the future (which of course we DID) I would HAVE to get that tube removed. The fluid in the tube would make it impossible for implantation to occur. So basically I was declared infertile until I decided to undergo surgery. I felt devastated to say the least. I was told not to worry, that once I had the surgery that I could still get pregnant with just the one tube, but of course my mind always heads to "worst case scenario." What if there were something wrong with the other tube as well? Was I really destined to just have one baby? I had just had Elsie so I was stuck between worrying and feeling guilty worrying about my future babies when I had this beautiful new little miracle sitting right in front of me. Some women never get the gift of motherhood and I fully realize that, but I couldn't stop my heart from grieving in a way. In my mind, I truly felt like I had to bring myself to terms that she very well could be our only child.

I have to admit i'm sort of at a loss as to how to continue this story......

The doctor never explained to me what symptoms might arise from this condition. The only thing she did tell me was there was no rush to do the surgery, considering I wasn't in any pain or trying to conceive. (obviously) If any of those things changed, we would discuss our next steps more seriously. Right around the week before Christmas, I started noticing I wasn't feeling right. Especially tired, and just generally run down. I also had a bit of nausea and stomach pain here and there. I found myself wondering if it was due to this condition or if it was the flu, etc. (There's no way to explain the rest of the story without being extremely abrupt, there's just no smooth transition here. So I apologize to any of you that are still with me here) On Christmas Eve, I still was not feeling well and some of the symptoms I started feeling started to feel a bit like deja vu. We had to run to target and I told Josh I was thinking about buying a pregnancy test. It felt a bit cruel in a way to buy it because I knew it couldn't be positive. I was JUST told it was impossible. And it's not like I necessarily WANTED it to be, I just needed to know. So we got home and I took the test and it could not have been more glaringly positive. I literally watched the lines show up almost immediately. My stomach and jaw dropped to the floor. Josh and I basically sat and practically cried and laughed together like crazy people for an hour straight. Other than the obvious concerns, I was pretty worried about the potential that it could be an ectopic pregnancy. After the holidays were over, I got right on the horn with my doctor who set me up with an ultrasound right away. (I might also mention that she immediately backtracked on all the "facts" she had faced me with) We went to the ultrasound the same day and there it was, the little bean with the fluttering heart that I so vividly remember. (gee wonder why) And it was in the right place, not ectopic. Due date is 8/19/15, yes that's 5 days BEFORE Elsie's birthday.

I had/have such a mixture of emotions revolving the whole thing. It's crazy because when I thought I might not have this opportunity again, I would lay in bed at night and pray to God so hard to not let that be our story. And then he didn't, and I suddenly wasn't happy. I felt like a spoiled little brat that got exactly what she wanted, but not on the right day. "I wanted this more than anything, but not NOWW!" I mean, how crazy is that? I literally had to just take a step back and realize how ridiculous I was being. Life is a gift, and God makes no mistakes. CLEARLY this baby was meant to be. In a way I feel like it was God's way of shaking me and saying "I am the be all and end all, NOT your doctors. Trust in MY guidance, not theirs" After that day, I stopped praying for certain things, I didn't plead for XY&Z, I simply thank him for all he's done, and say "I trust You." Sometimes I'll find myself laying there just saying that over and over again "I trust You" and slowly I can feel the knots unraveling. 

I will be 8 weeks on Wednesday. I have really struggled with when I was going to tell anyone publicly, or if I would at all. I felt like I should be embarrassed. Here I am with a 4 month old, and I am already pregnant. I feel like people will think we're just reckless, careless people. We aren't, we are just a couple of people that were told this could.not.happen and somehow it did anyway. That's besides the point. I'm not sharing before the "safe point" because I feel confident in this pregnancy by any means, because I don't at all. I'm scared to death. There really isn't an outcome that i'm not afraid of. I'm terrified that I'll lose this baby, and i'm terrified to have a newborn when my BABY is turning 1. I'm just afraid. I'm sharing so early because I feel like i'm getting to a good place. I want people who love me to know, and I want them to pray for us. (I'm also fully aware that by doing so i'm setting myself up for ridicule from certain people) If something bad happens with the pregnancy, God forbid, I don't think that I should feel ashamed that people knew about this baby. I will know I have many shoulders to cry on and feel a sense of comfort in that. So yes, we're going to have Irish twins. Never thought in a million years it would be us, but it is. How can I look at Elsie and even for a minute feel like this baby is a mistake? I would be out of my mind. I need all the prayers, love, and support I can get. I have a very long, scary road ahead of me. (Here we go again) 

SO here's to 2015 and our RAPIDLY growing family, I hope you're looking forward to more weekly belly updates, this time featuring Elsie! :) 

Birth Story

Since it's still fresh in my memory, I thought I would document and share our birth story! Also, be forewarned, it's going to be VERY long and well...TMI. ;)

It all started on Friday, August 22nd. I had gone to work as usual and I felt fine for the most part. I had actually started to come to terms with the fact that I was probably going to go all the way to 40 weeks and beyond potentially. I got home from work and just spent the rest of the evening relaxing and watched Mrs. Doubtfire. We went to bed and I noticed that I had to get up to use the bathroom a LOT more than usual. Also, every time I would use the bathroom and go lay back down I had some pretty bad cramps. It felt like those obnoxious aching cramps you get right before you get your period. I thought it was a little odd, but didn't think anything of it-just figured it was false labor or some painful braxton hicks. When I got up in the morning, I still felt a little off. Josh had to work and I planned to get up nice and early and go run some errands. We had planned to get EVERYTHING baby related done that we had left to do. Well I used the bathroom and noticed a little bit of blood. I just told myself it must be due to having my cervix checked at my most recent doctor appointment. (The denial begins...) But since I wasn't feeling the best, I thought it was probably a good idea to just wait for Josh to get home instead of going gallivanting all over town by myself.  As I was getting ready, I took a pic (which ended up being my last bump picture) because I wanted to see if maybe it was obvious that I had "dropped" or what the deal was. Maybe that would explain why I wasn't feeling the best.

Josh got home and we got ready and headed out. At that point I was still feeling really crampy, but we had SO much to do. It was our plan to go to Roseville and go to World Market and Babies R us. On the way we decided to stop at Planet thrift because we were looking for a piece of furniture to finish off the nursery. We ended up seeing Josh's aunt and her mom there, and she seemed to think I definitely looked like I had dropped since she had seen me at the shower the weekend before. Well as we are walking around the thrift store, I felt a small "leakage." Basically wasn't sure if I had randomly lost control of my bladder or what was going on. At that point Josh started feeling a little concerned but I was still brushing it off. (cramps are getting worse) We stopped at Dock 86 quick and then made our way onward to Roseville. We got to World Market and the cramps started picking up. To the point that Josh started getting REALLY annoyed at my insisting to call them cramps instead of contractions. He even whipped out his phone and tried to time them. I just kept telling him that I was fine, and nothing was happening. We got all that we needed there, and headed next door to Babies R Us.  Well as we are walking around there, another gush-this time a bit larger. Josh starts freaking out, I continue to be in denial but at that point it starts feeling a BIT more concerning and we decide we will call the doctor when we get home and see what she thinks we should do. I still hadn't packed a hospital bag or anything despite my doctor scolding me to do so at every appointment. We grab some things at Babies R Us, focusing on things we NEED in case we have a baby on the way. Josh rushes me out of there and we head home. If it were up to me, I probably would have tried to stop a couple more places to get some things. We get home and I get on the phone and spoke with the nurse and she tells me the doctor will get back to me. Well as i'm waiting for the call back, I go in the bathroom and all of a sudden I feel a big WHOOSH and at that point it's pretty clear that it's undeniably my water. OMG my water broke!! I wouldn't say it's like in the movies, but I think I definitely experienced about as close to that as it comes. I've heard most women don't really even have their water break, and more often gets broken during labor. So, I get a call back from the doctor and I tell her all that has just occurred and she basically tells me to get some things together, get something to eat, and get to the hospital.

So after a long drive  (aside from my request to stop at burger king first....denial still) sitting on a towel, and progressing contractions- we finally made it to the hospital. I step out of the car and it's like a flood, SUCH an uncomfortable feeling. Josh ended up having to push me in a wheelchair because I was NOT about to go walking through the hospital dripping everywhere. We make it up to labor and delivery at about 4 and we were initially told they wouldn't "room us" without me getting an exam first. Well, they took one look at my soaking wet shorts and it was CLEAR I wasn't leaving the hospital without this baby. Talk about a crazy feeling! So they brought us down to our room (We got the "big room" by the way) I got into my gown and started rolling with the contractions, which at this point were getting WORSE and worse. My midwife came in and checked me and I was at 3 centimeters, so it was left up to me to do what I wanted. I could get in the bath, sit on an exercise ball, or whatever really until I decided I wanted my epidural. I chose the exercise ball. I think I lasted about 45 minutes total before I was like OKAY that's enough, lets get this epidural process going. They had to give me an IV of fluids before they could give me the epidural so unfortunately I still had to wait a bit longer. Those contractions are NO joke. I truly applaud any woman that can make it through the whole way. Anyways, I get my fluids and the anesthesiologist comes in and works his magic. The process wasn't all that bad, just a little uncomfortable, but I knew what the result was going to be so I was all for it. The hardest part was staying completely still through my contractions as he's sticking the giant needle in my back. Once the meds started setting in, I was a HAPPY girl!

After I got the epidural going, the doc came and checked me again and I was at a 5. She could feel another "water bag" that was still intact, so she went ahead and broke the rest. We were then left to chill out and the waiting began. We watched some tv and they told us to "get some rest" but it seemed like whenever we would doze off, the nurse would be coming in. I felt so bad for Josh because he had worked that morning, so he was really sleepy and only had a SUPER uncomfortable couch to try to rest on.

So a couple hours past (I think anyway) and the nurse came back in to empty my bladder with a catheter, since I was not able to get up to use the bathroom with the epidural. (FUN!) And she goes "ya know...I think i'm going to check you if you don't mind." So she does, and she goes "Oh! you're at a 10 and the baby is SUPER low now!" YIKES! So she says we're going to let your body work her way down some more with the contractions, that way you won't need to push as much. (which I was definitely a fan of) So it was about 12 at that point and they said I would start pushing at about 1. 

So 1 o clock rolls around and the midwife gets there and we get the show on the road! I was TERRIFIED!! Josh was such a good "coach" I really don't think I could have done it without him. So a contraction comes and they tell me to push and I do, and they basically tell me she's just about out already! I pushed 3-4 more times and she was out! I started pushing at about 1:05 and she was out at 1:23. It was the most insane thing I have EVER EVER experienced. Just to finally see her face, it was a really really surreal feeling. She was beautiful, it was absolutely love at first sight! She was 7lbs, 15oz and 20.5 inches long. She is absolutely a gift from God, and we can't imagine our lives without her now. It's like she's always been here! 

We love you Elsie Grace!!

Surprise! Elsie is here!!

Elsie Grace Kaup

8/24/14 

37 weeks!!

I haven't added any pics of the bare belly and we are rapidly running out of opportunities for that!! And I threw in the front view because it really shows off the poppin out belly button! And if I look tired, it's because I AM!! :) 











How far along? I am 37 weeks pregnant!!! This baby could be in my arms ANY DAY NOW!!  

Maternity clothes: It ain't changing at this stage of the game!! And I don't think i'll be purchasing any more maternity clothes! SO CRAZY!! 

Stretch marks?  Nothin! Just have to make it a liiiiiitle while longer!  

Sleep:  I have to say I think i'm one of the lucky ones, the belly really doesn't disrupt my sleep too much. I get comfortable fairly easily and stay asleep other than the few trips to the bathroom obviously.

Best moment this week: My baby shower!! It was SUCH a good time and I was literally SHOWERED with gifts for this little one. She is so spoiled and loved already! I really can't thank Josh's family enough for making it so special for both of us!! :)  Oh, and just a little extra from the week, we took the tour of the birthplace and it really kind of hit me all at once! It's hard to explain, I had the goosebumps the entire time!! I think maybe it's a good idea to take the tour a little further in advance! To think I could be back there having this baby at ANY point is really a surreal feeling! 

Miss anything?:  Being able to bend over, it's getting more and more impossible every day!  

Movement:  She doesn't have a whole lot of room to do much anymore but I DEFINITELY still feel her in there ;) 

Food cravings:  Mainly fruit again!      

Anything making you queasy or sick?  Nothin! 

Gender: Baby girl!  

Labor signs: Nothing too significant, but I am progressing! (Any of you casual readers that may find some "details" a little TMI should stop reading now!) I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday and she "checked me" and I am 1 centimeter dilated (which I know doesn't mean much cause I can technically sit there until i'm due) but I was 70% effaced, and my doctor seemed to be VERY pleased about that progress! And as far as her position goes, She is in position and she's pretty well engaged in my pelvis too! She is sitting at a -1 station, which is basically just the scale they use to measure how far the baby has dropped into the pelvis. When they are at a 0 they are considered to be fully engaged and ready for labor, so I was really REALLY happy about that too! So we shall see!! 

(Insert cheesy informational diagram here!) 

Symptoms: I still have really bad indigestion, and my stomach still falls asleep ALL the time. She needs to drop just a little bit more and that'd be GREAT!! I've also been pretty crampy lately, it feels like i'm on the verge of getting my period. My body is doin somethin, that's for sure!! AHH!  

Belly button in or out? Outie!   

Wedding rings on or off? On. I haven't had ANY swelling (knock on wood) 

Happy or moody most of the time? Honestly, I had a REALLY tough week emotionally. I wouldn't say I was really moody. It was more just like an overwhelmingly scared, anxious, stressed out feeling. I feel like I have the whole world on my shoulders and have SO much to do, and just nothing seems to be getting done. I'm not a big crier, and I had a couple days where it was just an endless flood and there was just nothing I could do! I can only assume it's totally normal-especially at this juncture, and it was fairly therapeutic I think (after the fact). It didn't help that Josh was gone the majority of the week.

Looking forward to:  Getting her nursery completely finished!!! 

36 weeks! 1 month left!!

How far along? 36 weeks! I am 9 months pregnant!! HOW??? 
(so yeah when they say you're pregnant for 9 months it's a load of crap...it's totally 10+) 

Maternity clothes: Same routine!  

Stretch marks?  Don't have anything to report miraculously, cause this belly is getting HUGE!  

Sleep: Still sleeping well other than my poor bladder crying out in pain every 2 hours or so! Started having goofy dreams again, such as having the baby and trying to breastfeed her and she was a kitten. SOOO yeah....lol  

Best moment this week: I had my work shower on Thursday and it was SO nice. We had a delicious taco bar for my little mexican jumping bean and some amazingly generous gifts. We even got our carseat and stroller, which was UNREAL!! 

Miss anything?:  Spending time in other areas of my house besides my bathroom. 

Movement:  Oh yeah I feel like she's constantly moving around. I'm feeling sorta worried though because of course after I had my last doc appointment and she told me that she was sort of diagonal, I started googling. (which is almost ALWAYS a bad idea for me) I guess if she doesn't turn her body in the next week or so, they will try to manually turn her, and if THAT doesn't work I will probably need a Csection. So of course i'm kinda sorta (really) stressing out about it. I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday so I am hoping and PRAYING my little heart out that she will tell me she's turned! The good part is it's not like she has very far to move (opposed to someone who has a breech baby), she's already head down. She just has her head pointed towards my hip instead of my cervix. So say a prayer for me and this little stinker PLEASE!! MOVE BABY, MOVE! 

Food cravings:  Nothing really stands out.  But whenever I would go to our cupboards for a snack I found myself subconsciously wishing we had fruit snacks this week..so that's somethin!      

Anything making you queasy or sick?  Nothin comes to mind 

Gender: GIRL! 

Labor signs: Nothin yet! 

Symptoms: All my usual. And I don't know if i've mentioned this one before but my stomach falls asleep ALL THE TIME. Well, not my whole stomach, but the very TOP. I asked my doctor about it and she said it's totally normal. But OMG it's so annoying!!! And there's really nothing you can do because it doesn't go away if I rub it or move around or change positions. 

Belly button in or out? Oh it's out.  

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or moody most of the time? Still happy as a clam! (why are clams so happy anyways?) 

Looking forward to:  My big shower is this coming friday, so i'm really excited about that!! And i'm looking forward to my doc appointment where she gives me good news about the little one's position. (again....prayers please!)  :) 

35 weeks!

How far along? 35 weeks! OH MY! 

Maternity clothes: Same old same. Getting dressed has really become a chore though. Skinny jeans, even if they are maternity, are EXTREMELY difficult to get on and off. I depend on Josh for a lot of things, I figure he needs practice with dressing people who can't dress (or undress) themselves. hahahaha jk And strappy shoes? HA!!! fuhgettaboutit 

Stretch marks?  This belly is still rockin and rollin!! 

Sleep: I am still sleeping really well, however my poor bladder is in turmoil. I'm averaging about 2-3 times that I need to get up in the night. I fall right back to sleep though so it could definitely be worse! The only problem with me sleeping so well is that i'm not getting the adequate dose of reality that is soon to slap me in the face. I'm not complaining cause I appreciate every minute of sleep I get, just sayin. 

Best moment this week: It was a good week! I had a doctor appointment on Tuesday and everything is going fabulously! She said this little one is "head down" but she's sitting kind of sideways still. There is still plenty of time for her to align herself and get locked and loaded! The BEST moment of the week, however, was today when I had my maternity shots! My amazingly talented cousin took them for us and from the few samples we got already we can tell they turned out awesome!! Check out her website if you never have, she's seriously AMAZING>>>>> Shots by Bridge

Miss anything?:  Not waddling wherever I go, and being able to see all my body parts. TMI?  just sayin!!  

Movement:  Uh YEAH. At the moment she is curled up on my left side so my belly looks extremely contorted and weird. But yes the poor thing is constantly trying to adjust and she is just runnin outta room!! I even have a couple moments where I uncontrollably kind of shriek when she kicks or moves because it's getting SO strong and uncomfortable. 

Food cravings:  This week I haven't really had anything that really stands out. My ice cream obsession has sort of toned down a bit this week which is probably for the best.     

Anything making you queasy or sick?  Nothin comes to mind 

Gender: GIRL! 

Labor signs: Not yet! 

Symptoms: I had a couple REALLY rough days with just being uncomfortable. She hasn't dropped yet (as far as i'm concerned) so I just feel like she's sitting REALLY high up in my ribs and whatnot, and that makes my indigestion a lot worse. And I can't bend over for any amount of timewithout nearly suffocating. Otherwise just the usual mild complaints. I still feel pretty dang good for being so far along, I have just reached a point where I have a couple days mixed in that I am READY FOR HER TO GET OUTTA THERE! 

Belly button in or out? It's out more than it's in lately! Still varies though   

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or moody most of the time? Although my body is absolutely anything but my own anymore, i'm still really HAPPY! Getting more and more nervous, anxious, excited, etc etc as well!! 

Looking forward to:  Things are starting to come together more and more! My shower at work is this week and i'm really excited about that! My head is spinning with how LITTLE time we have left!!